We are told to "Sieze the day!", live life to the fulllest, and all those other cliché's. I realise now that when my appa, my dearest and most loved, was unwell, i still did a lot more and filled my days either with him or on work in full. It is now 20 weeks since he left me, alone, to live on while he moves across...i still try hard to fill my days but neither my heart nor my mind is in any project. I go on holiday and i wish i was living alone. Even when  I am doing something for my family, i see no sense of satisfaction. Even a job well done gets me nothing.

I wonder if this existence is worth any life at all. Life was meant to be beautiful, to go on, i need something more, i cannot find all those beautiful moments where my dad and i were close. I know it in my heart but I want more. Do not have any idea what that is but i wish he would come in my dreams and talk to me. Say something about "my only daughter", chellam.

Daddy, please help.